Sunday Best

This morning Mark and I went to church.  Brandon did not come as he works Sunday mornings, but Eric surprised us this morning.  He came to church!  He came alone and we were happy to see him.  We had our guard up a bit (as is still necessary...sigh), but at least I was able to hug him and tell him I love him.  Things have not changed too much in his world, but so happy to have him at church.

Life continues on at a bit slower pace for me these days.  It is nice that I have been able to take a nap here and there.  Sometimes I get a feeling that life is lighter.  It is a great feeling!  There is more room for what I want to do.  Pretty soon I will have to rediscover myself.  Would like to get my creative juices flowing again, maybe a part-time job too.  I'll see what the Lord has for me.

This Wednesday I have a consult appointment with my bowel doctor.  Going to ask questions about surgery and try to set a date.  Friends at church are encouraging me to move forward.  Everyone knows I have been suffering for a long time.  It will be 4 years in mid October.

Soon Mark will be going on his business trip to Germany.  He will be gone for 2 weeks!  Please pray that my health will be stable while he is away.  I tend to worry about such things.  After he gets back from Germany he will be home for about 6 days and then he will leave for Canada for a week.  Sigh.  Then there is the possibility of him traveling to Asia in November, but still waiting for confirmation.  I hope he doesn't go, but that is in the Lord's hands. 

 

Sunflowers on my Mind

You may notice that I have changed the name of my blog.  I am operating through a fog these days, but trying to hang with the Lord through all.  Some days I am fine and then other days I drag.  Anyway, I just started thinking about the sunflower and how it follows the sun.  And so that is what I strive to do myself...follow the Son (Jesus).

I have not been in contact with Eric for a few weeks now.  He did come by the house to pay his brother some money he owed.  He handed Brandon the money, no words spoken and left.  His father called him one day to invite him to an Eagle ceremony for a friend of his.  He barely spoke to Mark and told him he would not be coming to the ceremony.  It is heartbreaking that he has chosen to push us out of his life.  He has also been drifting in and out of jobs.  Through all of this I have chosen to continue on with my Lord.  I want Him to have first place in my heart.  He is the only one who can heal my broken heart.

Been reading the book "So Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy!" by Barbara Johnson.  Barbara says "Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional."  Her book is like a balm I apply to my broken heart.  When I feel that I can't take the pain...I open Barbara's book and start reading.  Thank you Lord for Barbara!!!

This week I took a step out in faith.  I have scheduled an appointment with my bowel doctor.  Going to set a date for surgery.  I am experiencing increasing difficulties with my tummy, so it is time to step out and believe my Lord for a miracle.  Prayers are appreciated.

Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster

Been riding the emotional roller coaster.  One weekend Eric came by to visit and I had to ask him to leave as he got too angry.  I have noticed that his girlfriend is alienating him from those who care for him.  Eric did not like my observation and therefore was very angry with me.   I spent the last week praying and sulking.  There were a few things that the Lord used to lift me out of the blues.  Lunch with a girlfriend and a beautiful summer evening wedding at an old mansion in downtown Denver.  Then on Saturday we attended a picnic in beautiful Evergreen, Colorado.  Always so thankful to the Lord for blessing me with beauty.  Sunday afternoon Eric called.  Although, he still is not being honest, we are pleased that he wants to maintain some form of relationship and contact.

We have a new addition to our family.  A friend of mine who just had a baby, gifted me with her beloved guinea pig named Snowy.  My friend used to teach, but now that the baby has come she is staying home.  She used to have Snowy in the classroom for the kids on Fridays.  There is a chance that Snowy may go back once the baby is sleeping through the night.  Just have to see.  Until then, the kitties, well, they are learning to share their domain with a pig.  Dusty is fine with Snowy, they touched noses the first day they met.  Daisy however, being only 2 years old, wants to play.   

Chin Up - Keeping Calm & Carrying On

I have been enjoying the Olympics being in England.  The shots of the bicycle race going through that tunnel of green trees is gorgeous.  The shots of Big Ben and the Thames River...beautiful!  I hope someday I can go to England.  And then there is that saying that comes to mind.  You know the one...Keep calm and carry on.  Well, that is exactly what I am trying to do these days.

Things have not been going well with my son, Eric.  We found out that he is engaged.  He did not tell us, but he did post it on Facebook.  So people started to question us.  I nearly fainted when the news reached me.  Confronting him regarding this was a trip around the world.  First he said it was a hoax, then admitted they are engaged, but not even close to getting married, so therefore no date.  However, that is not stopping them from living as if married.  Over a period of weeks Eric has been increasingly angry.  There have been other things that have played out besides the engagement issue.  It is sad to say, but Eric has managed to estrange his brother and his parents.

So here I sit typing, trying to keep calm and carry on as I feel an overwhelming sense of bewilderment.  I hurt for my child.  I long to help him, but in his mind I am the cause of all his unhappiness.  I am so thankful to the Lord for daily providing me with the strength to carry on.  One of my biggest blessings is my dear husband.  I thank and praise the Lord for giving me such a wonderful blessing.  Today is our 29th wedding anniversary.  Thank you Lord for your love as shown through my blessed husband!

Nest is Emptying

It was the afternoon of Father's Day when Eric came home and decided to move out.  He packed up a number of things and left in a rush.  The next day he was back moving his bed out and various other items that Brandon and I had packed up for him.  For those of us left at home it was heartbreaking.

A number of things have been going down the past few months and not all of it good.  It all started with the addition of a new girlfriend.  Relations became increasingly strained and it seemed as if Eric was slipping into a black hole.  We all tried to pull him out, but the black hole won.  He is now living with his girlfriend (of 2 months) in her parents home.  I've heard from him via text messaging, but our communication is very limited.

Friends and family are questioning Eric's behavior as he doesn't seem like his usual self.  Since he is 18 there is not much we can do.  But we can pray.  If you feel led to pray, it would be much appreciated.   

Kindhearted Women

A kindhearted woman gains respect.  Proverbs 11:16

The Lord has blessed my life in many ways.  Everyday that is true, but there are some days when I choose not to see it that way.  It usually happens when I fix my eyes on my trials & tribulations.  Remember the story of Jesus walking on the water?  Peter wanted to walk on the water too, but the minute he fixed his eyes on the waves, he began to sink.  How do we keep from sinking?  By fixing our eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith. And what is it that Jesus said we should do?  He said that we should wash each others feet.  We should come along side someone else that is struggling. Bear each others burdens, be a servant.

Since moving to Colorado, the Lord has opened doors to several friendships.  I have some amazing ladies in my life.  First there is Colette.  She and her husband are having money troubles, so they are having to sell their house of 15 years.  The fixing and packing has been overwhelming for her.  Second is my friend Bonnie, who lost her job and has a son that has been mixed up in drugs.  Third is my friend Tara who is an amazing school teacher. Sometimes all the rules and regulations of teaching had her bogged down.  And last, but not least, my friend Cindy who has been helping her husband with the struggles of his business.  All these women have their trials & tribulations.  All of them call out to the Lord for help.  What amazes me is that the Lord uses little old me to answer some of their prayers.

For instances, Bonnie prayed and asked the Lord for someone to go with her to visit her son in jail.  And the Lord laid it on my heart to tell her I would go with her.  Colette needed someone to help with her overgrown garden and when I stopped by for a visit we weeded it together.  Tara needed someone to spend individual time with each student reading and the Lord picked me.  And Cindy was in need of a friend to give her encouragement which the Lord has graciously allowed me to do.  I have to tell you, my cup is overflowing!!

Oh what a blessed God we serve, who uses us to lift others out of the waves of despair and at the same time lifts me.  Being a kindhearted woman is the best job in the world!

"When God blesses you, He rarely has you in mind." ~E. V. Hill

My Graduate...

This is my son Eric on his graduation day.  Not sure what he will do next.  Right now he is working as a bouncer for Jump Street, which is an indoor trampoline facility.  He recently had a review and got a good rating.  He got a raise and promotion.  He had an interview for a welding position.  Waiting to hear if he got the job.  We don't see much of Eric these days.  He is spending most of his free time with his girlfriend and working on the truck they bought together.  I've been shedding some tears...letting our children fly away from the nest is tough.