tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73115059911676418722023-11-16T10:11:52.794-07:00Sunflower CottageLiving life in Colorado.Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.comBlogger174125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-29401287773754985202021-09-20T19:05:00.003-06:002021-09-20T20:48:01.000-06:00Overdue Update<p>Here I am two years later and my natural hair is worse than its ever been. In 2020, my hair was making a comeback, but then I got sick with an infection that no one could figure out. I kept coming down with fever and chills and going to this doctor and that. Finally in 2021 at Easter I came down with cellulitis and was in the hospital. After that I was on antibiotic for awhile.<br /></p><p>At my 2021 physical, my doctor said my hair was not gaining. So I started seeing a Tricologist soon after that appointment. She put me on a program of Minoxidil and a laser cap. The bad part of the treatment is that both Minoxidil and the laser cap can cause a shed to happen. Well, I had the shed and my hair is thinner than ever. But there has been some hope as the top of my head has improved slightly. And hair has grown in the bad areas where 2 months ago it was looking pitiful. The program lasts for a year, so I have a ways to go yet. So I wear my wig and hats and keep moving forward. Hubby and I pray every day for my hair among other things. <br /></p><p>Our oldest son is doing alright. Our relationship with him is okay. Our relationship with our younger son, who lives in Utah, is nil. He has cut us off. However we have a good relationship with his wife in California. </p><p>Mark and I caught a bug from the grandsons after they went back to school in mid August. Whatever it is it won't go away. We keep having bouts of weakness, body aches, and just overall not feeling well. Its been going on since the beginning of September.</p><p>Well, that's the update. There is so much more to tell, however details are for those who want to contact me personally.<br /></p><p><i><b>*A note to a very special reader, Sherry, if you see this post, please write to me at becky@4finleys.com</b>.</i><br /></p>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-91924735881069920542019-12-14T06:29:00.001-07:002019-12-14T06:29:46.788-07:00Crying on the InsideLife doesn't feel merry, but still the Lord sends blessings everyday. One morning I was particularly distraught and my girlfriend sent a text that she was praying for me. And that same day my Pastor sent me an email letting me know he was thinking of me and praying. The next day the Lord sent a friend over and she let me know she is praying for me. My friend said she could feel the peace in our home and she told me that even though I am struggling the Lord is with me.<br />
<br />Okay, why isn't life merry? On December 3rd, my oldest son left Colorado to go live in Utah. He left without telling us or saying goodbye. If it wasn't for my grandson and my daughter in-law I would not know. Last year my youngest son disowned me and now this year my oldest son has. There are no words.<br />
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I am shedding hair again since the shock of my son leaving (telogen effluvium). I feel so beat down emotionally, physically and spiritually. All I hear from the Lord is that He is going to heal me. He confirms this to me through my girlfriend, through my husband and through my next door neighbor. All of them who don't talk to one another and are saying the same thing to me, that the Lord is going to heal me. Right now all I see doesn't look that way. With a floater in my right eye, controchondritis in my left side, thinning hair, low body weight even though I eat about 4 to 5 meals a day it hard not to feel a shell of my former self. I catch little glimpses of light here and there, but I am so depressed. Been trying different antidepressants. One got me too agitated. This new one is more soothing, but not sure about it yet.<br />
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Also, I bought another wig named Ellis. It's a short razor cut bob. Its cute and I enjoy wearing it. My wigs have names...first wig I bought I've named Patty, second wig was already named Julianne, third wig I've name Willow. My favorite wigs are Patty and Ellis. Julianne is not really me and Willow is more me, but is so fussy (which means she takes a lot more upkeep than my other wigs). I am getting more used to wigs and wearing them more often.<br />
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I went to my endocrinologist and found out I am low in iron and ferritin. As far as ferritin goes the range is 11 to 300. My ferritin is 27. At the point when I took the blood test I had a couple of weeks of carnivore eating under my belt, so the level could have been lower prior. My doctor believes that the number one cause of hair loss is low iron. So I am eating liver and red meat and hoping for the best. <br />
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<br />Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-65355075140507429592019-11-29T09:43:00.003-07:002019-11-29T14:22:10.412-07:00Thanksgiving<div style="text-align: left;">
Sometimes when we are in the midst of trial, it is hard to be thankful. That is the place I am in. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the blessings I have. So very thankful for my husband, my home, my cats, my grandsons, my pastor, family and friends. There is plenty to be thankful for. But that exhilarating thankfulness that overflows and makes you want to praise the Lord...unfortunately that is lacking in me.</div>
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Wednesday we had our grandsons over which was a blessing. Thanksgiving day, Mark and I enjoyed a very quiet day. It worked well because I was not feeling my best and I am usually tired after having the boys over. The Lord blessed me with peace for our Thanksgiving day and He blessed all the food that I prepared. Everything came out so yummy. But unfortunately a couple of things popped up health-wise to give me discomfort. My left heel seems to be swollen and it is painful to walk or stand on. I don't know why this has happened. Then last night out of the blue a floater popped up in my eye. I am going to the ophthalmologist this morning to get it checked out and make sure it is nothing serious. <br />
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This morning I came across an article talking about the signs pancreatic patients have when they are not absorbing nutrients from their food. I have the signs. Some of the signs have improved due to the pancreatic enzymes I am taking. The dizziness I used to have is gone. The numbness and tingling I had in my arms and legs is gone. The extreme exhaustion has turned to fatigue. Then there is the fact that I have to clip my toenails more often. It used to be that they hardly grew. My eyelashes have grown longer which is nice. There are other signs, but the one improvement I want the most, my hair, has not improved.<br />
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Also, I have changed my diet in the past few weeks. I am now eating loads of animal protein. I have always been more on the vegetarian end. I have never fully excluded animal products, but have always been more about plant products. I heard about the carnivore diet and got ideas. I still eat fruit and veggies and some carbs, but way less. So far my blood sugar levels have lowered and my digestion has improved. In the past when I cut carbs my body had a fit. I had read somewhere that when your body gets adequate protein it won't crave carbs. Well that seems to be true because this time my body isn't having a fit and I am not craving carbs like I have all my life.<br />
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Well, this is all for now, better get going with my day. Hope it turns out to be a blessed day and your day as well. <br />
Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-78029979938429143682019-11-09T17:18:00.000-07:002019-11-09T17:18:31.066-07:00Lights, Camera, ActionMy hubby invited me to a lunch with his co-workers on Friday. So I got dressed up with a little make-up and my new wig. I told Mark I was coming in my wig and I think when it went well, he was happy. He said no one knew it was a wig. Next, I went to a doctor appointment. My doctor loved it. Today, we had our grandsons over. I showed my oldest grandson this picture of me with the wig and he said I look normal. So he approved of the wig. ;-) <br />
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We did our Thanksgiving craft of turkey hands made with sheet foam and feathers. It always amazes me how much children grow year to year. Last year I did not get to do turkey hands with the boys, but I am thankful I did this year. Everett and I did a special picture together. He did a turkey hand on paper and colored it. Then I cut it out and we glued it to another picture we made together. That picture was done with autumn leaves from the backyard that we put under a paper and then colored over the leaf getting the impression. It turned out really nice and I do so adore children's artwork. I am blessed because my fridge is covered with it. :-)<br />
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Today I didn't wear a wig. After wearing the wig for 6 or 7 hours yesterday with a wig grip, my head got a pressure sore. The wig grip works if I only need to wear the wig for a couple hours. In fact earlier in the week I went shopping in my wig. It was a really windy day and my wig did not budge in that wind. So wig grips work, but for all day I need to use the body glue so I don't get the pressure sores. <br />
Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-11482682457220857902019-11-06T14:43:00.000-07:002019-11-06T14:44:34.401-07:00New Wig!Well, after a 3rd try, I finally found a wig that I feel confident and most comfortable in and that my husband likes. Of course I would prefer my own hair, but the Lord has not allowed that so far. However, He has allowed this wig.<br />
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This is called "Work It" from Raquel Welch straight out of the box. Sorry, no make-up for this shot, been having a few facial issues and have had to limit my make-up. Anyhow, this wig is the most comfortable wig I own (I have 3). I don't like wigs at all, but if I have to wear one I will choose this one. When I look in the mirror I feel it's "me" and that is important. To lose my hair has been the hardest trial ever. Sniff...tears. I did not imagine this for my senior years.<br />
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Neither did I imagine losing relationship with my sons and pancreatic insufficiency. Those together are bad enough without piling hair loss on top of it. My hubby is convinced my hair will come back once I am healthy. I pray that I do get healthy again. So far I have been unable to get to 100 lbs. However, the signs of health I do have are the condition of my fingernails. Also, my eyebrows seem to be fuller and my eyelashes have definitely gotten longer. Very amazing since for years my fingernails have easily snapped off (especially in the dry fall/winter season which is now upon us) and my eyebrows and eyelashes have been on the sparse side for years. So maybe health will slowly but surely envelope me, I pray that it does.<br />
<br />Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-52228457857038559472019-10-16T17:31:00.000-06:002019-10-16T17:53:57.979-06:00Back to WigsWell, my hair seemed to stabilize for a bit, but recently has thinned enough that I am back to wigs. Wearing a wig in the autumn/winter season in Colorado should be fine. Pictured below is my Julianne wig. I am not happy about the situation I am in with my real hair and I hope and pray that my God given hair grows back. For now a wig is going to have to do, and I know I am not alone, there are plenty of other women struggling through just as I am.<br />
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I got sick with a tummy bug and wasn't able to eat as usual. Dropped back down to 97 lbs., but this morning weighed in at 98 lbs. which makes me feel better. I am not a happy camper right now, but have to keep moving forward with life.Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-49521675639774297382019-09-21T16:41:00.001-06:002019-09-21T16:42:29.811-06:00Autumn UpdateWell, Autumn begins September 23rd. Here in Colorado we've had a touch of Autumn, but still mostly warmer temps. Wind has been blowing a lot which I am not fond of. I got my Autumn decor out and spent a day decorating which was fun.<br />
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Now on to how I am doing. Last I left off I had made a decision to wear wigs. I went on to purchase another wig and the wig equipment. I wore them for a short bit. However, because of my husband I have stopped wearing them. Just between you and me, he doesn't really like them. He insists my real hair is good enough because he doesn't see bald spots the way I fix it. Plus I've had a couple of friends tell me I look fine too. So I have been going around with my headbands and thin hair. In my opinion it takes guts to do it.<br />
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Since last writing I had to adjust my dose of Creon, my pancreatic enzyme prescription. Upping the dosage has been key to me doing better and stabilizing my hair loss. There is some hair growing in, but not very much right now. My weight has improved slightly since upping the dosage. I used to be 95 lbs. but now I don't go below 97. I saw my endocrinologist in early September and she said I need to get my weight up to 105 to 110 range to be healthy.<br />
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Currently my weight has been hanging out in the 98 lbs. range. I am eating several times a day. I have breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks. I take supplements, keep sugar to a minimum and eat lots of protein. I took the grandkids to Chick-fil-A on weekend and we enjoyed their yummy lemonade. On our way home I felt funny. When I got home I got my glucose meter out and checked my blood sugar. I gasped...NO more sugary drinks or food for me.<br />
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I am still weak and resting. If I do too much, which I have, I get super tired and then it upsets my sleep and my emotional state. So can't have too much stress. I also found a new Christian counselor. The first appointment was good, but hard. I talked about so much stuff and after the appointment I let out a big sigh. However, when I got home I cried. Deep down I know there is a cesspool of traumatic emotions I've not dealt with in regards to health and my sons. My counselor thinks that dealing with it will bring health to my body. I certainly hope it does.<br />
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The picture below is of Mark and I in the beautiful Colorado mountains. Some friends from Arkansas came to visit and we took a drive to the mountains with them. They took this picture of us. Well, this is all for now.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: #b45f06;">Happy Autumn Y'all!</span></span></h2>
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Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-1838901621315408512019-07-31T13:33:00.000-06:002019-07-31T13:33:07.278-06:00Getting Wiggy with ChangeWell, I know in my last post, I was down on wigs. Well, I've had a change in heart. I was out shopping yesterday and went past a mirror. It was then that I realized how thin my hair is. My husband keeps telling me my hair is going to grow back and that I look fine. Well, I don't know if my hair will grow back and I realized I don't look fine. I look pathetic.<br />
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So time to do something about it. After looking at myself in that mirror I drove home. I got my wig out and finally got it adjusted to where I could stand it. Then went out in public. I felt better. I am devastated about my real hair, I can barely stand what has become of it. I have cried and cried to the Lord, only to see more hair lost.<br />
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I am not particularly wild about my first wig so thus ordering a new one. Hoping I like the look of #2 better. This whole journey is so hard. Change is always hard. My oldest grandson is going through change. In 2 weeks he will be going to school for the first time. He doesn't want to. I sat holding him and we cried together because we are both afraid of changes in our lives. At least we can tell each other "I love you".Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-55304863506010856252019-07-29T12:16:00.002-06:002019-07-29T13:07:27.936-06:00So Very HardThis time in my life is so very hard. I've been through some really rough times, but for some reason this trial is a killer. Its one thing to lose relationship with both my sons, that's bad enough. But to find out my pancreas is damaged and lose my hair on top of that is more than I can bear. There are some days I feel I cannot go on at all. I am seeing a counselor and have a med to help, but still, there are no words for the pain. Right now I am going through grief. Some days all I can do is housework and play a Bible game on my cell phone.<br />
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My hair loss situation is bad. Being that my hair was thin to begin with it makes it all the more unbearable. I have less hair than in my last photo in my last post. I have pretty much lost the bangs that I had in that photo. Not wanting to take pictures at this point. Looking at old pictures makes me want to cry. My husband is not accepting the situation well. He loves me and wants me to have my hair and it pains him that it is slipping away. He prays all the time for my hair to come back and believes the Lord will restore it. I see some new growth in areas, but I am not sure. Only time will tell. <br />
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I did get a wig, as I may have mentioned in a previous post. I've worn it enough times that I know I hate it. I've also been to wig shops and tried on various wigs and even ordered wigs online only to send them back. I've watched lovely women on You Tube who wear wigs. They love them and get confidence from them. I don't know why I can't. There was one day I wore the wig I have for 4 hours straight and could not wait to take it off because I was in agony. I've not really worn it since, although I've tried to. Plus I am a BIG fan of comfort and wigs to me are not comfortable. But then too, I've been dealing with scalp sensitivity and there have been some sores on my scalp. Slowly, one by one these sores have been healing up making a more calm scalp.<br />
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As an alternative to wigs, I have been looking into chemo cap wear. There is a lovely woman named <a href="https://www.eyelineher.org/" target="_blank">Carly Severn</a> with alopecia and she wears caps and head wraps. She is a true inspiration. So I went ahead and bought a few caps just in case. Two of them I like, but the other one although comfortable, is not my cup of tea. Plus, there are pros to cap wearing. Caps are cheaper, more comfortable and easier to take care of. Wigs, on the other hand are a couple hundred dollars a pop and they only last 4 to 6 months. <br />
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For right now, I am still wearing headbands as that is what pleases my hubby. Since I don't have any bald spots hubby thinks its okay. And I've had friends graciously say they can't tell I have hair loss. What I do have are thin spots and some that look fuzzy because there is some hair growing in. What hair I do have is soft, shiny and lovely. I just wish I had more of it, but right now the Lord sees otherwise. I don't know what I am learning from all of this, but my hubby says patience. ;-)<br />
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Always as we walk through heavy trials there are the little flowers in among the weeds. So on a happy note, Mark and I are celebrating our 36th wedding anniversary. My precious husband took me jewelry shopping and purchased me a lovely plain gold band. It is absolutely delightful to wear. So thankful to the Lord for all His blessings. Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-72137074628787749072019-06-18T14:43:00.000-06:002019-06-18T14:43:51.225-06:00Dark TunnelWell, between my last post and now, things went down hill. This has been a very hard trial and where I thought I saw light before has since disappeared. Prayers are greatly appreciated.<br />
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In my last post I mentioned about a wig. Well, I finally found one and got it styled and wore it out a few different times. Unfortunately, it has come about that wigs are not quite for me. The longest I wore it was to my ladies Bible study. We meet at 9 a.m. and usually wrap up by 11 or noon. I think that day we wrapped up at noon so I wore it for 4 hours straight. Everyone loved the wig and thought it was great, but by the time I got home my scalp was in so much pain I couldn't stand it. I haven't really worn the wig since. So if I go bald, I am probably going to be wearing a Buff on my head.<br />
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May and June have shown more hair loss and weight too. Down to 96 lbs even though I am eating more. And I have been having what I call cortisol attacks. Others might call them panic attacks. Whatever, I began having these attacks. One May morning after not sleeping most of the night I went and got the blood test my endocrinologist ordered for me back in February. I had not been able to do it because of getting so ill in February. Anyway, that test came back with a high cortisol reading and the A1C was up to 5.7. So my endocrinologist (Dr. Kim) sent me a letter with the test results saying I need to schedule an appointment. What alarmed me in the letter was that she said I have pancreatic insufficiency.<br />
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Back in February she had given me a prescription for a digestive enzyme called Creon. I filled the prescription, but did not take it because of all the mess I was going through. Finally in May I took my first couple of pills and it seemed to instantly calm my cortisol attack. But my tummy seemed to get upset by the pills so I stopped them. A few weeks later I was having another bad cortisol attack and decided to take the Creon again to see if it would calm the attack. It did the same thing again minus the tummy upset. So I have been taking them ever since and it has really made a difference in my digestion. I can eat without the pain which has plagued me for years. After seeing Dr. Kim she assured me I don't need to worry about diabetes right now, so that is a load off. And we decided that my pancreas most likely got damaged from the sepsis in 2007. And she said with how sick I got in February I should have gone to ER. She said I could have been septic.<br />
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Unfortunately, the cortisol attacks returned after a few days of taking the Creon. And more hair fell out making my hair even thinner. I also went to Dr. Lara, and she seems to think that if I can get some good sleep under my belt that all this will go away. She gave me some pills that were supposed to help me sleep, but I didn't like them. So I just been sticking with my regular Xanax to help me sleep and taking the herb Ashwaganda which is supposed to help balance cortisol and it really has been helping. Except I think it might be the cause of my loose stools. Sigh, always something.<br />
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Thankfully, in all this mess, one evening my sweet hubby came home with a big bouquet of flowers for me. It was so wonderful because I had been having a cortisol attack all day. So he took me to urgent care. There they told me they couldn't do anything for me, but then I asked them if I could get a scan of my adrenal glands to make sure there isn't a tumor or something. So they ordered me a CT scan of my adrenal glands. So I am getting that tomorrow. Hoping if there is something wrong that it will show up. If all is well, then I will have to trod the "mental" route. Which I have my first counseling appointment this Thursday, sigh. <br />
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Latest pic of me with my thinning hair.</div>
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Doesn't look bad with all the hair pushed forward. </div>
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Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-54351667929923719062019-04-12T15:30:00.003-06:002019-04-12T18:16:02.301-06:00Finally Seeing some Light <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Just a warning, this is going to be a novel, so grab a hot beverage and get cozy. :-)<br />
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The last time I wrote I was working on my health. What I failed to mention was that there were family issues going on and they were so stressful that my health was on the rocks. The Christmas season was a little stressful, but not too bad. We got to see our grandsons and give them gifts, which was totally a blessing of the Lord. The key was lowering my expectations, oh how necessary that was. Instead, I placed my expectations with the Lord and waited on Him. A better place to be I think. ;-)<br />
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January seems a blur, but health-wise I remember my hair began thinning more so I went to the doctor to have my thyroid checked at the advice of my sister, who had the same issue going on. My sister's doctor put her on thyroid med. For me, that wasn't the case, my thyroid came out to be fine. I followed up that appointment with an endocrinologist in early February, who checked out my thyroid via ultrasound. It was normal. At the time I went into see her, I had some swollen glands in my neck, which she checked those and said they were normal despite being swollen. She said I must be fighting something off so best thing to do was rest.<br />
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So the next day I stayed home and rested. Mind you at the same time this was all going on I was still trying to keep my fungal rash stuff under control through diet and supplements. It was at the end of January my bowels began cramping and doing unusual stuff. I thought it might be from the supplements that I was taking. But then the day after resting with my swollen glands my bowel went crazy. I don't know what happened, but I was on the floor of my bathroom and the pain was so bad I nearly passed out. Then I exploded from both ends and my body went into shock. Afterward I went to my GP and all he could say was that I had some kind of viral infection. He seemed unconcerned.<br />
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So I went home and tried to carry on my life as normal, but I didn't feel well. Then exactly one week later my bowels began cramping like I have never felt before and I completely emptied out. Another week went by and it happened again, but less severe that time. I had been missing my ladies Bible study group and I wanted to go, so I bit the bullet and went. I thought once I was there it would make me feel better. It was February 23rd, and I was sitting with the ladies and all the sudden I had this weird feeling wash over me. I felt like I was going to pass out. They prayed over me and I finally got stable enough that I drove myself home. After that day that feeling kept plaguing me. It was so bad I sometimes felt like I was going to die.<br />
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The feeling would plague me whenever. I couldn't go out very often for fear I would pass out in a public place. I didn't know what was causing it. My arms would get a numb/tingling feeling, sometimes it would be in my legs too. Sometimes it would last hours, sometimes days. I basically had no control. As for my bowel, it was doing better, but not completely. I didn't know if the two were related. So I went to my bowel doctor and after exam he thought I am fine, but ordered a CT scan to see for sure. So I got that set up for March 19, but then had to reschedule it to April 2nd. I also went back to my GP's office and they ran a load of blood tests which all came back normal.<br />
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During this time, my weight dropped down to 96 lbs, which I had never been 96 lbs in my adult life. Anyway, praise be to God, exactly one month from the time the spells started they stopped. So thankful the Lord had mercy on me. However on March 23rd my kitty injured herself and was in tremendous pain. She was shaking and she had vomited. I took her to the emergency vet as it was a Saturday night. They couldn't find anything wrong with her they just gave her a nausea shot and fluids.<br />
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On Monday I called around and finally got Daisy kitty into a vet. Again they couldn't find anything wrong with her on exam. So we did blood and urine tests. Nothing. Then we did xrays and again, nothing. So they sent us home with pain medicine. Daisy did not like the pain medicine and fought it so much we gave it up. So we just let her be, but she was in horrible pain, I couldn't stand it. I did not know what to do, I thought of putting her down, but she was functioning and healthy otherwise. This is when I noticed my hair was falling out again and a bald spot emerged.<br />
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Finally it was the day that I prepped for my CT scan. I had the kind of scan where they fish a tube and wire down your nose into your small bowel. It was nasty getting the tube and wire in, but it got done. Then the scan wasn't bad until they injected the dye and wow! Anyway, I was woozy after that, but I had to get Daisy to the vet since my trusted side kick (hubby) was with me. We had noticed that Daisy was limping on her left back leg. So the vet examined and pushed and pulled and xrayed. They gave us a better pain med and we came home. Well, we had been praying for Daisy and lo and behold the next day Daisy was better. Mark and I think that she must have dislocated something in her back leg and when the vet did her exam she pushed it back in place. I did have her on the pain meds for some days which helped her be more comfortable, but after a few days she didn't need it anymore. Praise the Lord! So I have my little friend back, she is sitting here beside me as I type this. What a blessing she is!<br />
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As of right now, I got notice from the hospital where my CT scan was performed, that my bowel is fine, no blockages. And my liver, gallbladder and pancreas are fine as well. And thankfully as of this writing my bowel has calmed down and is working better and I have finally gained a couple pounds. I gave up all the supplements I was taking and switched to different ones are targeted on my anxiety. I have learned that anxiety affects our bowel is a huge way. And I took up drinking Apple Cider Vinegar (Bragg's) in water before breakfast, which has completely cleared up the fungal rashes. And I began taking a supplement called Triphala which has been helping my bowel return to normal next to eating prunes. ;-) Also switched to a high potassium diet and began using progesterone cream. Hoping all the changes help me get back to health and grow me some hair. ;-)<br />
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Also, another interesting thing in all of this mess was the use of alternative sweeteners. I decided to use Stevia, Xylitol and Erythritol. They are supposed to be natural and without much side effects. Well, when I ran into those horrible bowel problems I had been using those for months. I stopped them when the bowel issues came on me. Since stopping them I am doing better. So I am kind of thinking that maybe those alternative sweeteners are not as safe as they say. This girl is sticking to coconut sugar, cane sugar, maple syrup and honey. Just learning to use less of them.<br />
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As for the hair journey...you must stay tuned! I bought my first wig on-line and it came this week. Unfortunately, my hubby and I didn't like it, so I sent it back. The wig companies are great about returns and make it easy. So nice! On April 16 I am scheduled to meet with Terry to have consult about wigs. I am excited. For right now I am wearing wide headbands to cover my bald spot. Its been fun. Been watching tutorials on You Tube about make up and having fun with trying that. I turned 58 this March and I feel I am embarking on a new journey. Sending you big blessings for your journey...XO <br />
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<br />Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-84241632417764736262018-12-11T22:00:00.002-07:002018-12-11T22:15:20.436-07:00Trying to keep it positive...Well, all I can say is life has been challenging. But then I think of friends that have had great challenges as well. Such as my friend Cheryl who lost her sister to cancer in November. Another friend struggled through her husband having cancer only to find that she herself has cancer also. She is not doing well this holiday season as the brain cancer has taken away her ability to walk and she is confined to bed. She is looking forward to being with Jesus any day now. I could not sleep well for a couple night when I heard of Helen's condition until the Lord helped me realize she is blessed to be going home.<br />
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Well, on to another topic, my health and the candida saga. I was doing the candida diet which is very restrictive. Unfortunately it triggered my eating disorder thinking where I began looking at food as my enemy. (In my teens I struggled with two different eating disorders.) Anyway, my weight dropped under a 100 pounds, so I said goodbye to the diet. Wasting away to nothing is only going to kill me not candida. I do still stay away from white sugar for the most part, but I have allowed bread back into my diet. Thanks be to God, I heard about the probiotic called Florastor. There was information on the web that it can help with candida overgrowth. So I gave it a try and I am so blessed and grateful to the Lord that it has been helping. The rash on my face and hands has cleared up and my tummy is having less pain. PTL!<br />
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In other news, we just had our roof redone again in less than a year. In 2017 a nasty hail storm passed through our area in the spring. It was a big deal because our local mall was so damaged by the storm that it was closed for many months. Many cars were damaged as well as many homes. Every house on our street had to have its roof replaced. Then this summer another nasty hail storm passed through and ruined our roof again. It has been a blessing in disguise. We were not impressed with any of our prior roofers so we decided to hire our neighbor's roofer. We are so glad we did because he has been honest. Mark had been on the roof and noticed some things that were not right. Prior roofers ignored Mark's concerns, but this roofer noticed them without being told and was concerned for us. When the old roof was removed he uncovered the shady things the prior roofers had done. Essentially, our roof deck has been falling apart and nobody was telling us. One of the roofers had done a patch job that they never told us about. Its really sad that there are so many dishonest roofers out there and they prey on people in their time of need. This time the job was done right and we are thankful.<br />
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Well, the Christmas season is upon us. Been watching loads of Hallmark movies...lol. And surprise to us, we have our Christmas tree up early for a change. Our two kitties, Dusty & Daisy, were very excited when the tree came. Dusty, at the ripe old age of 16, was running around and under the tree. It puts a smile on my face. Merry Christmas everyone!<br />
<br />Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-25390853341108840452018-11-24T02:19:00.000-07:002018-11-24T02:24:37.350-07:00This is for all the lonely people...<span class="text John-15-19" id="en-NIV-26719"><span class="woj"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><i>If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. John 15:19</i></span></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="text John-15-19" id="en-NIV-26719"><span class="woj"><span class="text Eph-6-12" id="en-NKJV-29350"><i>For
we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities,
against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against
spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12</i></span></span></span></b></span><br />
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<span class="text John-15-19" id="en-NIV-26719" style="font-size: large;"><span class="woj">There are tim</span></span><span class="text John-15-19" id="en-NIV-26719" style="font-size: large;"><span class="woj">es when people will exclude you, not want to talk to you, or be interested in what you have to say. There are times when people will dislike you</span></span><span class="text John-15-19" id="en-NIV-26719" style="font-size: large;"><span class="woj"> for seemingly no good reason at all. When this kind of treatment happens at the holidays it can be especially painful, but if you are a Christian, please remember the above scripture verses and take heart. Also, remember to look for the little blessings the Lord has set in your path and for ways you can bless others. Doing so, will keep your focus off of what you can't have.</span></span><br />
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<span class="text John-15-19" id="en-NIV-26719" style="font-size: large;"><span class="woj">I hope this helps to make your holidays merry & bright. God bless!</span></span>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-71798037580156174122018-11-02T14:00:00.001-06:002018-11-02T14:00:45.537-06:00SentencingThis past Monday I attended son #2's first sentencing. He has another one this coming Monday. Thankfully the Lord provided a friend to go with me. Oh my, was it ever a hard day! It took a lot out of me. I just have to get through this next one and it will be over. Honestly, I feel like it has been a sentencing for myself. Having to face up to things I did not expect or that I saw and did not want to believe. Also, been doing a lot of replay of the past and sorting things out. I can't tell you how painful it is. Not so much because of things I've done, but because of good things I wanted that have not materialized. And too because of things lost...the agony of that brings a dark cloud.<br />
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The day after the sentencing I woke up with an inflamed face. The rash was back and and my eyes were red and puffy and my hair was falling out. So I decided I needed a treat day. On top of that it was a cold, gloomy day and it started snowing. So I went out to lunch with Mark and treated myself to gluten free sweet potato pecan pancakes with bacon and hot coffee. It was absolutely perfect! At the restaurant we ran into one of our old pastors and a deacon. It was nice to say hello and be on friendly terms even if we don't see eye to eye.<br />
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The rest the week has been full of housekeeping, cooking, baking, a little shopping and resting with my kitties. Can't think of anything else to say so I will end here. Have a happy weekend y'all!<br />
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Here is a pic from July 2018 when we went camping at Kenosha Pass.</div>
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This was after my DIL had taken the kids away, I look worn out.</div>
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I really needed this trip, had a lot of fun with Mark.</div>
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Also got bit up by mosquitoes...hehe.</div>
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Since then I have learned that mosquitoes are attracted to the color black.</div>
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So don't wear black on a camping trip like I am in this picture.</div>
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Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-78692895248419013742018-10-20T07:55:00.001-06:002018-10-20T07:56:55.458-06:00My Candida/Leaky Gut JourneyToday I've decided to talk about my years long battle with Candida. Ever since the last surgery on my bowel in 2013 I've had issues with fungus even with taking probiotic and eating and drinking probiotic foods. It got bad after I left the hospital, so much so that I was prescribed an anti-fungal med. I also had to use an anti-fungal powder on my tummy around the incision area. It eventually cleared up and I thought I was all done with it.<br />
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A couple years later my face broke out in odd red patches. I tried to self treat thinking it was eczema. By the time I went for treatment at urgent care it had gotten infected and I had to go on antibiotic. The whole ordeal scared me. I went to my GP to talk over what happened and what I could do to stop this from happening again. She was less than concerned and not helpful other than to prescribe medication that I never took. I've never gone back to her for anything since then.<br />
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Now a couple years out from that, I am reliving the experience. This time I didn't let the red patches get so big before I went to my neighborhood urgent care facility. The doctor there was very sharp and recognized it was fungal. He prescribed a cream which got it to clear up for which I am so thankful. But, I did research online since doctors tend to give drugs rather than information. In my research I came across people that said their rash came back after using the creams. Sure enough, a couple patches on my chin looked like they were trying to make a come back. Ugh! So I did even more research and came to the realization that more than likely I have <b>leaky gut</b> (which conventional doctors don't recognize as legit). It makes sense that my bowel is damaged after all the crud I have been through medically (loads of antibiotics) and stress-wise. Anyway, it boils down to me needing to change my diet and lifestyle terribly so.<br />
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Also, I made the discovery that iodine kills fungus (Candida). Low dose iodine drops in a glass of water once a day have been helpful. Also, remember those little bottles of iodine that our parents used on our cuts and scrapes when we were kids? Well, I discovered Walmart carries a colorless version and I've been applying that to the patches on my face and hands. It stings, but it helps take some of the itch out. However, its not a cure by itself. I made the iodine discovery before I went to the urgent care doctor. When the eczema care was not working I took a wild guess that the patches were fungal. I started using silver and the topical iodine. It responded to the treatment better than the eczema care, but it wasn't curing it, thus visiting the doctor. With his diagnosis of it being fungal and the anti-fungal cream he prescribed clearing the patches up, I knew I was on the right track.<br />
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So with my suspicion being validated I knew what vein to research for self treatment. I can say, with the addition of a new diet and fungal supplements I seem to be making better progress. Praise God! Here are the measures I am currently taking: <br />
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<b>Anti-fungal Supplements:</b> NOW brand Caprylic Acid 600 mg 2x a day (planning on adding a 3rd pill at some point) & Gaia brand of Oil of Oregano 3x a day. <br />
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<b>Diet:</b> Elimination of sugar and foods with white flour. Basically trying to follow "<a href="http://perfecthealthdiet.com/the-diet/" target="_blank">The Perfect Health Diet</a>".<br />
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Also, I've learned about probiotics, the kind you can eat and the pills. I learned that you have to be careful when choosing a probiotic supplement because some contain a "prebiotic" which can be very harsh on the bowel. And I had picked up a very good brand of probiotic, only to learn it had "prebiotic" in it. Oh my! It did a number on my bowel. Thus, I decided to eat my probiotic through yogurt and sauerkraut and also eat my "prebiotics" through veggies. But even that can be too harsh. Thus some application of the GAPS diet via "bone broth". I can say that the broth has been very helpful and settling to the digestive tract. And I am also taking Vital Proteins hydrolyzed collagen powder. And just making the realization that treatment is all about the individual and balance. And that too much of a good thing can be harmful as a bad thing. As the saying goes: All things in moderation.<br />
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Through all of this, I am gaining a whole new take on food being healing rather than a party. It is hard especially when we associate food with comfort. With it being Autumn I think of trips to the apple orchard, apple pie, pumpkin pie, apple cider & hot buttermilk biscuits slathered with apple butter. Or how about Starbucks wonderful Autumn coffee drinks and baked goods? All those Autumn goodies contain white flour and/or sugar. Sigh. But, I am finding that my homemade no sugar added applesauce with lots of good spices is satisfying. Did you know that adding some fresh ginger root to applesauce is delightful? A new autumn treat for me! :-) Also, I've been making my own broths and learning to cook and bake with new ingredients (gluten free). It basically boils down to taking care of myself in a greater way. After all, I am not getting any younger and being older I am finding it takes more time and pampering to keep "me" going. ;-)<br />
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I may make this a regular topic I post about. It will be good to track progress and share recipes. Until my next post, God bless y'all and Happy Autumn! Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-79150625836444742062018-10-02T12:24:00.001-06:002018-10-02T12:24:12.108-06:00Life goes on...<b><i>Happiness is not found in marriage or work; or ministry; or children. Happiness is found by being secure in Jesus. ~Corrie Ten Boom</i></b><br />
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Its been a long time since I last posted. It has been a roller coaster of a time. In going through piles of papers I came across an old journal and the above quote was written in it. In my life I have experienced this quote to be true. In a messy life the only true source of comfort is Jesus.<br />
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I no longer do daycare. Although I dearly love children, it became to overwhelming and was taking a toll on my health. Actually, I went to the Lord and asked for a break and He graciously granted it. However, the way my break came about was not with all pleasantries. It came in a harsh and cold manner. The last day I sat my grandsons was June 25, 2018. I got to see them for a few hours in August when Mark's parents were visiting, but since then I have not been included in their lives. To say the least, its been heartbreaking.<br />
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But as always, the Lord knows these things. I have no power to change what has happened, however, He does. So I live life in submission to Him and His plan. He has all the power to change the situation, so I leave it all in His faithful and caring hands. So life has been quiet and it has been so needed for my health. I am working on a healing diet and trying to exercise when I feel well enough to do so. So that is my life for now, the Lord has granted me to rest in Him. Since I am not so bogged down hopefully I will have more time to write on this blog. <br />
<br />Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-1361612328342213852017-07-05T11:34:00.001-06:002017-07-05T11:34:12.883-06:00UpdateWhere have I been? The same place as usual, just been patiently waiting for the storm that blew in in May to blow out. Well, I am happy to say that I have made adjustments and things have calmed down. Praise the Lord! But there is still progress to be made and the progress that has been made was not easily come by.<br />
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The happiness in all of it has been the precious grandsons. Always so blessed to have them around. Recently we took them to Belleview Park. The park has a little train, a petting zoo and a creek where the kids can play in the water. The boys loved it and we enjoyed a picnic amongst the shade trees. It was a wonderful day.<br />
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Mark and I took a week off from working to have some down time. We started our stay-cation with a visit from Mark's high school friend and his new wife. We spent the weekend with them showing them around Colorado. We had a wonderful time with them. Then we spent the rest of the week just hanging out at home resting and doing things we wanted. I also visited with a girlfriend that I have not been able to connect with for months which was wonderful.<br />
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Otherwise I have been doing quite a bit of thrifting. A new thrift store opened up nearby, too much fun! Lately, I have had a fashion change. I have been a pants gal for a number of years, but lately I have grown into a new love of skirts. Age does funny things to a gals body and for some reason skirts have become very comfortable. So I have gotten a whole array of skirts from the thrift store. Its been a fun distraction from the gloominess of storms.<br />
<br />Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-20563572900443724062017-05-14T10:09:00.000-06:002017-05-14T10:09:09.087-06:00Happy Mother's DayI hope that your Mother's Day is joyful for you, but I know there are other mothers out there like me where Mother's Day is painful. The joy in my day has come from my grandsons Everett & Myles and my sweet daughter in-law.<br />
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There is currently so much going on (of which I cannot yet speak of) that my heart is broken. If you are shedding tears at this Mother's Day, please know that you are not alone. May our Lord bless you and keep you and comfort you in every way with His perfect love.<br />
Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-47296989598191005162017-05-04T00:15:00.004-06:002017-05-04T00:15:49.823-06:00Life StrugglesIts been a long time since I last wrote because I have been in somewhat of a slump. Mark and I have had one virus after another. Just when we are getting over one another one hits. On top of that I have been watching children 4 to 6 days a week. There is a lot of other stuff sandwiched inbetween that I keep private. I will just say that life has been stressful.<br />
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I don't quite know how to put into words the next thing I want to talk about. It is really hard to deal with. As you may know Mark & I adopted two boys because I was unable to have children due to endometriosis. The adoption date was January 8, 1998. Well, both boys are in their 20's and living on their own now. The oldest boy lives nearby and I babysit his two boys 4 to 5 days a week. The 2nd boy moved to another state where he got in contact with his birth family. Since doing that he has dropped all contact with me & my hubby. He still keeps in touch with my older son (his brother), but not with us. Basically, he has dumped us and gone back to his birth family.<br />
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On top of that, we have not found another church. Finding that with what is going on in the world these days it is hard to be a follower of Jesus. If we hear about a good church it always ends up being quite a distance away. Also, since we keep getting sick it makes it hard to go. Neither of us feels up to dealing with a new situation when we are sick. So we have been content to continue with on-line church. We've gotten more involved with our on-line church and its been pretty wonderful. It has been wonderful to get good Bible teaching and be drawn into a closer walk with Jesus. However, I was lonesome for our old church one day and checked out the newletter. I noticed that the women did not end up going to that IF conference. So I got excited and wondered if some good changes had occurred. So I listened to a current sermon on the podcast only to find out how much more deeply the head pastor has gotten into the emerging church stuff. And then all the people that I have warned have not heeded my warning and are still there listening to what is being taught. So that is another reason I have been depressed.<br />
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So that is my update. Even though there has been hard stuff, there has been good stuff too, for which I am thankful. God is so good, He's so good to me.Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-59850052995538748302017-03-10T09:06:00.001-07:002017-03-10T22:45:13.830-07:00Life and DishesLast night one of Mark's friends from our old church called and they talked about the church and why Mark left. And I wrote an email to another one of our friends that wrote and said they missed us at church. I told them that we have left the church and why. All I can do is pray people will have their eyes opened. Lately, I have been feeling like I am the one that has gone astray. There are so many people that are blind I feel there is something wrong with me. <br />
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Otherwise I have been taking each day as it comes, doing the best I can and confessing my mess ups. Every week is really busy with the children and I get so tired at the end of the day. Right now Everett is potty training and it is hard work. Then on top of that Myles is starting to creep around and get into things. And then there is my schedule, when I work and for how many hours varies week to week so it is hard to make plans. But when the kids are here we follow the same schedule and they love it.<br />
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In my down time I've been shopping both in store and on-line. Or turning on a chick flick and eating potato chips late at night when I get the TV to myself. Funny thing about the potato chips is that I swore off them off years ago. However, my hubby didn't, so there has always been potato chips around. It hasn't been till recently that I crave them. And then too we've gotten into eating ice cream. Tillamook makes wonderful ice cream and my favorite Tillamook flavor is Malted Moo.<br />
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The other day I had a burst of energy and began cleaning out my kitchen cupboards. I am a dish hound and have collected up many dishes through the years. Well, I've decided that I need to let go. Some of them are heavy and if not careful they will chip. I no longer find myself using them because of it. In my old age I much prefer <i>Corelle</i> which is lighter and doesn't chip. I recently ordered a new <i>Corelle</i> pattern called <i>Garden Lace</i> (pictured below).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW2Vek22WUZYayjUQneq_4-ix-dGTbzICD2BCq0cgUY9yeFqwpYApyY8hSzlOu_WgfySy_OWvP9Ehn9Hih_zD1SN3ZohPZs6cquI-W5kMjYfOoRhhvd5vqLMBkzaaCHMpC3mFkwcd5L6Y/s1600/Garden+Lace+Corelle.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW2Vek22WUZYayjUQneq_4-ix-dGTbzICD2BCq0cgUY9yeFqwpYApyY8hSzlOu_WgfySy_OWvP9Ehn9Hih_zD1SN3ZohPZs6cquI-W5kMjYfOoRhhvd5vqLMBkzaaCHMpC3mFkwcd5L6Y/s320/Garden+Lace+Corelle.JPG" width="247" /></a></div>
The turquoise color and the pattern around the rim is what attracted me. I feel I can have these pretty dishes around children and not worry. Since entering the "Grandma stage" my house has taken on a new decor. Colorful plastic dishes, sippy cups and bottles in the kitchen. In the living room a tent, toy box and stuffed animals along with finger prints on the TV screen and a pack of Boogie Wipes. And in the dining room a mini table and chairs, a play kitchen and a high chair. Its not a designer's dream, but it certainly is child friendly and its home. <br />
<br />Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-20862209641962574892017-03-06T08:37:00.001-07:002017-03-06T22:58:57.537-07:00UpdateWell, it is very windy here today, gusts up to 60 mph. Denver is in a drought. We have hardly gotten any snow this winter. It has been windy and oh so dry. I had Mark put food out for the critters last night and a Robin showed up while I was getting dinner ready in the kitchen. In Colorado that means spring is coming early. Plus my bulbs in the front yard flower beds are coming up. The green months here are short. The barren look hangs around for at least 6 months (if not more) and that's half the year. I can only hope that we get lots of rain because snow will hurt the blooming things as it did last year.<br />
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Well, to update on the church situation, we have not even been to a new church. We have had sickness after sickness. We can only figure it is the Lord's will for us right now. If I'm not sick Mark is. This past weekend I caught a bug my son and grandsons had and I was so sick. Thankfully this morning I am feeling well enough that I will be able to handle the kiddos. Anyway, the first Sunday we left the church we took a day to ourselves. We felt we needed a break after all the heartache, I called it a mental health day. It was a beautiful day, no snow, just sunshine and warm air so we took advantage of it. Ever since that day we have been sick and the only other thing was our grandson's birthday party which we had on a Sunday so his daddy could come (because he works on Saturdays). So we have been doing on-line church. A church called The Superior Word in Florida has become our home on-line church. We love Pastor Charlie and this last Sunday he shared our profile write up with everyone which was very sweet. And we watch other churches as well. We don't have the physical fellowship, but we are sure being fed.<br />
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As far as our old church, a friend called me and let me know that we have left a hole. She said we are really missed. And she said that other people are starting to question what the pastors are doing. She said that they are really pushing the small groups and starting to push the purpose driven stuff in the sermons. Me and my friend cannot believe why these pastors are doing this when they are supposed to know the word so well. While praying the answer came to me: "Because they are following a man and not "me". My friend asked me to pray for her and others in the church.Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-63937168957920674652017-02-24T11:08:00.001-07:002017-02-24T19:33:43.978-07:00Life UpdateIts been a little over a month since I last wrote. I've been thinking about posting, but haven't been in a mood to chat simply because I've been so down about our church going astray. It's been interesting watching the goings on from afar as we still get the church's weekly newsletter. I opened one of the letters one day and that set me back. Its been hard and I've been tempted (just being honest). Mark said he reads the newsletter just as confirmation. The other day he told me that this year the ladies ministry is not having the usual women's retreat, but are instead going to an IF Gathering. I would definitely not participate in that and you can read about the dangers of IF at <a href="http://www.truthkeepers.com/?p=763" target="_blank">Truthkeepers</a> and <a href="http://www.lighthousetrailsresearch.com/blog/?p=17334" target="_blank">Lighthouse Trails</a>.<br />
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Wow! Thinking back, I remember getting that call to be a leader in women's ministry. It was something I had thought about, to play a bigger role. I could have said "yes" thinking it was totally of the Lord that I was being asked, but instead my first response was that I needed to pray about it, which was good. When I went to the Lord I heard nothing, which basically means "wait". I got counsel from my husband, which he said I am too busy, which I am. There was a deadline of giving an answer. In between that time of being asked and giving an answer, I was bombarded with guilt at not doing my part, not trusting God to open the time up, blah blah blah. Well, as you may know from reading my prior post, I declined the position and I am now glad I did. The leading of the Holy Spirit is so soft and gentle, as in that verse: 1 Kings 19:12 "a still small voice" (KJV).<br />
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What's been so hard about this whole apostasy thing is watching people I thought were strong in the Lord peel off in this apostate direction. And when you tell them the dangers of it, they pay you no mind. So I am losing friendships. Again the words of that song: <i>All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him in His presence daily live. </i>There is a cost to following our Lord, as he described in Luke 14:26-27 and Matthew 10:37, we have to love Him first and most and that may cause problems in our other relationships.<br />
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Otherwise, life has been busy as usual taking care of children. Its a blessing, but my emotions have not been in the best way. I think I may be under spiritual attack as I have been depressed and irritable more so than usual. And have had more than my share of viruses. Ugh! I hosted a big party for my dear Everett, who turned 3 on Valentine's Day. It was a great party and I felt like the Lord spoke to me saying "this is your mission field" as I looked at all the guests. All these young people that don't know him. Well, this is all for now. May the Lord bless you and keep you. <i> </i>Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-31700696238300357512017-01-22T12:14:00.000-07:002017-01-22T12:18:54.039-07:00New World Order or Jesus?If you are a servant of Jesus Christ you need to be on your guard. Why? Because there is a spiritual battle going on. The spirit of anti-christ is moving about in our churches. Granted, this has been going on for years, but recently the pace has stepped up. Apostasy is defined as the abandonment of a previous loyalty. This enemy spirit that lurks in our churches is seeking to have us abandon our Lord Jesus and pledge loyalty to Anti-Christ. Jesus says in Rev. 2:4...Nevertheless I have <i>somewhat</i> against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. This enemy spirit is dressed in sheep's clothing. It has the look of goodness, but is devoid of the power of God. This enemy lurks about with various names such as: Purpose Driven, Emergent, New Apostolic Reformation, etc.<br />
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Below are Biblical warnings: <br />
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<b>Matthew 24:4-5</b> says..."<span class="text Matt-24-4" id="en-NKJV-23962">And Jesus answered and said to them: <span class="woj">“Take heed that no one deceives you.</span> </span><span class="text Matt-24-5" id="en-NKJV-23963"><sup class="versenum"> </sup><span class="woj">For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many." KJV</span> </span><br />
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<b>1 John 4:1</b> says..."Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are
of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world."
KJV<br />
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<b>2 Thessalonians 2:2-4</b> says...<span class="text 2Thess-2-1">"Now, brethren, concerning the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our gathering together to Him, we ask you, </span><span class="text 2Thess-2-2" id="en-NKJV-29664"><sup class="versenum"></sup>not to be soon shaken in mind or troubled, either by spirit or by word or by letter, as if from us, as though the day of Christ<sup class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NKJV-29664a" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NKJV-29664a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]"></sup> had come. </span><span class="text 2Thess-2-3" id="en-NKJV-29665"><sup class="versenum"></sup>Let no one deceive you by any means; for <i>that Day will not come</i> unless the falling away comes first, and the man of sin<sup class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NKJV-29665b" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NKJV-29665b" title="See footnote b">b</a>]"></sup> is revealed, the son of perdition, </span><span class="text 2Thess-2-4" id="en-NKJV-29666">who opposes and exalts himself above all that is called God or that is worshiped, so that he sits as God<sup class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NKJV-29666c" data-link="[<a href="#fen-NKJV-29666c" title="See footnote c">c</a>]"></sup> in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God." NKJV</span><br />
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<span class="text 2Thess-2-4" id="en-NKJV-29666"><b>1 Timothy 4:1</b> says...</span>“Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall
depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of
devils;”
KJV<br />
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<b>2 Peter 3:17</b> says...“Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know <i>these things</i> before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own steadfastness.”
KJV<br />
<span class="text 2Thess-2-4" id="en-NKJV-29666"><br /></span>
<b>Jude 1:4 </b>says..."For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old
ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God
into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus
Christ." KJV<br />
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It is important to be arrayed in our spiritual armor to resist the enemy and his lies. Here below are some links to very good writing presented by men standing on the "Rock". Roger Oakland who was recruited by Pastor Chuck Smith to be a part of Calvary Costa Mesa in 1988. And Paul Smith, brother of Chuck Smith and close friend to Roger Oakland.<br />
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<a href="http://www.understandthetimes.org/commentary/c205hijacking.shtml" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: small;"><b>The Hijacking of the Calvary Chapel Movement into the Coming One-World Religion</b></span></a><br />
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<span style="color: navy; font-family: "arial"; font-size: small;"><b> </b></span><a href="http://www.apostasyalert.org/REFLECTIONS/paul_smith.htm" target="_blank">New Evangelicalism: The New World Order (by Paul Smith)</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.lighthousetrailsresearch.com/blog/?p=22044" target="_blank">Certain Men Crept In (by Roger Oakland) </a><br />
<br />Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-49073024574326365792017-01-16T11:59:00.001-07:002017-01-16T13:20:01.437-07:00Continuing SagaTo be honest I am a complete mess! *heavy sigh* It is so hard to leave our church and honestly I don't want to, but I have to. I spoke with my nursery co-worker yesterday. She had not been to church in a month, so she had completely missed all that has happened in the past few weeks. Thankfully, she has been going to a church near her home where her brother and his family go. She said she has felt guilty for liking that church more than our church. I told her it is probably of the Lord and then I told her the new direction our church has decided to go and the danger of it. Our discussion went really well and now she can make changes for the better. We are so sad to break up, but she works nearby where I live so no reason we can't get together for lunch when we can.<br />
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I've only told one other friend. Most Christians are unaware of the dangers. Granted, it is hard to keep up with the wiles of the enemy these days. Anyway, my friend said she has been increasingly irritated with the worship music that is being played at our church. She said she felt guilty about it, like she was being rebellious. I told her that I was having the same issue and that maybe the Holy Spirit has been warning us. My friend is a nurse and doesn't have much time to research and try different churches. So she told me to let her know what church I ended up at so she can come too. So we will see where the Lord leads. So far we are have a Baptist church on the list. They are close by and their statement of doctrine says they believe the scriptures are the sole authority to faith & practice.<br />
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There are other friends that I should share with, but I worry how they will respond to what I say. I am leaving it in the hands of the Lord and waiting on His timing. And honestly, right now I am so upset I am not in a good way. I need time to calm down, chill out, focus and relax. So here's to new adventures on the narrow road.Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7311505991167641872.post-42135769804703222612017-01-15T05:46:00.000-07:002017-01-16T10:53:24.393-07:00The ResponseI have studied up on the "purpose driven" thing enough to know that it
is not the narrow path that Jesus talked about (Matthew 7:13-14). Instead it is part of
the wide path. In review of 2016 our church leadership did some wide path stuff. The good songs we used to sing have been replaced with music from groups such as Jesus Culture. There was the time that our pastors burned incense in a service. And another time the band played the music so loud it was like we were at a rock concert. One of our pastors stood up in service last year and praised the Azusa Now 2016 event. A family in our congregation stood up to talk about Voice of the Martyrs ministry and said there would be a meeting after the service to know more. Only a few people attended the meeting and none of our pastors showed up in support of it. Now add in the "purpose driven" drivel and things are not looking good. Jesus said to examine the fruit, because you will know a tree by it's fruit (Matthew 7:15-20). Analysis: the fruit doesn't look good. <br />
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Since our pastor said he wanted to meet with my hubby to discuss things, my hubby has been pushing for a date to meet, but as of yet no date has been set. Our pastor said he would be sorry to see us go, but they are moving forward with this. As he said in Sunday sermon the leadership has prayed about this and have decided that this is the way God wants them to go. So in their opinion we are the ones going against God. So not much to talk about when you put that spin on it and there probably won't be any meeting. Anyway, we are going to attend church today, for one last time, as it is my turn to do nursery. I want to let my nursery partner, whom I've worked with for years, know we are leaving and why.<br />
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I am so upset over the direction the church is going that I am barely sleeping. I get a few hours here and there, but for the most part I am not sleeping. In February it will be 7 years that we have been a part of this church. I was thinking how we have been through so much with these people, the hardships with our sons, my surgery and complications afterwards, etc. And all that comes to my mind right now are the words to a hymn: <b><i>All to Jesus I surrender, all to Him I freely give. I will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.</i></b><br />
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Here are a few links to messages I have listened to regarding the wide path:<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Uz1Fh8i3ok&list=WL&index=112" target="_blank">The Purpose Driven Lie</a><br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wDdEjqm-Zk" target="_blank">Sandy & Tim</a><br />
<b><i> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylHG7orkXto" target="_blank">Chris Rosenbrough - Rick Warren</a></i></b><br />
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Beckyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14840067835526190187noreply@blogger.com0